Making the necessary contacts during vacation can be much more effective than during working hours, - Igor Larin, lawyer, registered partner of the law firm “Larin and Partners”

More than blat

Non-random connections help expand business. In the West, they have long been thinking about methods for establishing contacts, creating a whole direction - networking (English - “working with a network”). In Russia, they still don’t pay enough attention to it, calling it just “blat” or “garters.”

Networking is much broader - it’s not just communication, it must be focused, organized and regular, and therefore requires a special approach. The main phenomenon is the “six handshakes”, which was developed by the American psychologist Stanley Milgram: to get to know any person anywhere, just six contacts are enough - with friends of your friends.

You for me, I for you?

Today networking is divided into 2 types - negative and positive. The first is traditional among Russians, when any communication is perceived as “you to me, I to you.” Kirov businessmen often establish connections in order to understand where the interlocutor can be useful and how to use him.

In the West, they are more inclined to the second type: when making contact, a person thinks about how he can be useful, what both parties to the partnership will receive. In fact, the principle, like Adam Smith's rule of the invisible hand, makes the entire networking mechanism spin.

Banquets for transactions

A striking example of networking is during events for businessmen. In our country, as a rule, people come to them to first of all have fun; few people think about business. Even if two potential partners meet, the most they can agree on is to discuss issues of cooperation “soberly.” It is far from a fact that in the future they will reach each other, but if this happens, the transaction itself will still take place in the office.

Abroad, the practice is the opposite: a special person is hired for the banquet, who is aware of the latest business news, has financial information and even knows the hottest gossip. He decides who needs to be invited to the meeting, where to accommodate each guest, and with whom to bring them together, in order to make the most of the opportunity to resolve mutual issues of the invitees. All actions are non-random and clearly produced. Therefore, it is at such events that most strategic issues of cooperation are resolved: potential partners come to an agreement, shake hands, after which they can only meet to formally sign a contract.

Whether this practice will reach us, time will tell. In the meantime, everyone can make acquaintances on their own. As they say, be in the right place at the right time: it is impossible to effectively establish new connections while sitting in the office. Meet more people. To make communication with you interesting for them, read the news, look for useful information and generously share it with your interlocutors. As the founder of management, Peter Drucker, said, the main advantage of entrepreneurs is the ability to surround themselves with those who are smarter...

Networking rules:

1. Don't dine alone

Lunch is the right time to put an important point in any matter, even a complex one. In Kirov, unfortunately, rarely does anyone consider a lunch break as a tool for solving business problems and establishing contacts with partners. But in vain, in a comfortable non-office environment you can conduct productive negotiations, declaring your intention to cooperate.

2. Pay attention to everyone you deal with.

If a person seems uninteresting to you, from a completely different social circle, do not rush to conclusions. He may know your clients. There are no chance meetings. As they say, “small fry” bring big fish. There is a vivid comparison: kiss a frog - sometimes it turns out to be a princess. This way you will not only get your own benefit, but also help middle-class businessmen reach a new level, which in our city is very often tied to personal recommendations.

3. Turn on word of mouth

Introduce your colleagues - they can be useful to each other. The advantage is that information that you launch yourself will go through your network - according to the principle of word of mouth. In return you will receive the right people, new ideas, opportunities and offers.

4. Don't chat in vain

Don't waste time on general conversations, talk about what is specific and important. If you make an impression, they will recommend you as a good conversationalist. If you want to create a positive image, the themes should be the same. Don't talk about politics, it's more negative. This is the main mistake of our businessmen - to discuss only problems and the latest political news at a meeting.

5. Remind yourself

The key to success in networking is follow-up. Having established communication, take the second step - exchange contacts, you can remind about yourself in two days. For example, in the form of an email with a brief description of several points from the meeting. Maintain, strengthen and develop the necessary connections... They decide everything!

If you have no work experience, or you have decided to change your field of activity, or have not worked for a long time due to various reasons, it probably seems to you that you have absolutely nothing to interest a potential employer. You feel like an impostor who will certainly be exposed and politely rejected.

Do not despair. There are several simple and working ways to attract the attention of the people you need, even if you have absolutely nothing to brag about.

Probe the soil

Communication is a two-way thing. Much depends not so much on your self-presentation, but on your desire to get to know your interlocutor as best as possible.

Meeting a potential employer is like a first date: on it you are just getting to know each other.

If it turns out that you are not suitable for each other at all, well, it’s good that you found out quickly. You can immediately start looking for someone more suitable.

Ask questions instead of paraphrasing your own. Think in advance about what is important to you and what is unacceptable in your future job. Be interested in the details of projects and company policies. It will feel awkward at first, but it will go away quickly.

Show genuine interest

Don't ask questions that can be answered with "yes," "no," or "I've been working for this company for three years." It's not data you need. You want a conversation that will be remembered.

Don't forget that every person, even the highest rank, wants to be heard and understood. The trouble is that in most cases we listen to our interlocutor in order to respond and say what we think. Suppress this desire and just listen.

When answering, repeat what you heard in other words and ask a new question.

From the moment you approach your interlocutor, he expects you to begin presenting yourself. When he sees that you are listening to him without trying to draw attention to himself, he will gratefully tell you everything you want.

Think about what you can offer your interlocutor

Even if you've never worked, you have something to offer. The main thing your future manager wants to know about you is how you can be useful. Therefore, do not start communicating with a potential employer by asking about salary and working conditions.

If he sees you as a worthy candidate and wants to get you on his team, you can probably negotiate acceptable terms. But first, think about what you can give to your employer.

Take your time and don't force yourself

If you succeed with the person you are interested in, do not start planning your further relationship and do not offer to meet tomorrow morning to continue the conversation. All that is required of you is to please here and now. This will work to your advantage in the future.

Don't show your strengths and weaknesses right away

In an effort to be liked, you don’t need to demonstrate all your advantages at once. Your interlocutor will mentally compare himself with you, and he will not be very pleased to lose in this comparison.

It’s also not worth rushing to the other extreme and demonstrating self-doubt. Just don’t hide the fact that you would like to improve your skills and learn something new.

Recognizing your weak sides, you give your opponent the right to his own imperfections. You will both relax and your conversation will become more casual.

Even if you don't have the most impressive resume, don't despair. Your desire to work and grow is much more important.

At any time, you can ask for a hint from divine forces or your Higher Self, hear the answer, and receive direction for your future path. And this connection, the channel, should become a natural state for each of you. This connection is reminiscent of telepathy, when you can talk with Angels, with Archangels, with your Soul, with God... without words... only with thoughts... It will be necessary to combine all practices into a single whole and launch a channel of communication with the Higher Self.

Practice “Switching on the channel with the Higher Self”

Sit or lie down in a calm and comfortable environment, without anyone bothering you on your way. In order not to fly high into the sky and not leave your body, you need to ground yourself by using the “CONNECTION WITH THE EARTH” practice. It will help you to be in two dimensions at the same time: here on earth and there in heaven.

Then relax and disconnect from the physical plane using the STONE practice.
It will help you get out of your body and become closer to the subtle plane.

And now you are almost ready to accept information from the subtle plane and all that remains is to free yourself from the influence of the human mind, turn it off, remove all the thoughts spinning in your head. And the simple practice of “CLOUDS” will help you do this. Drive away all the clouds of thoughts in your head, let it become clear, clear...

And now you can move on to the most important thing - to CONNECT to your Higher Self.
Break through this channel, clogged with your thoughts, fears, disbelief... You can imagine how a column of bright snow-white light comes out of your crown chakra and flies into the sky, connecting you with the Higher Self, with the subtle plane... This pure light will protect your connection from the interference of the dark strength, will save you... And now, finally, you can ask your simple question (PRACTICE) and the long-awaited answer will appear in your head in the form of a thought. And this thought is a hint, help and answer to you.

Once you try to talk to your Higher Self at least once, you will never forget this wonderful experience. And you can develop this connection and always use it at any time.
Try, don’t stop on your path, strive to understand yourself and the world around you... You will succeed!

Practice “connection with the earth”

Sit or lie down in a calm and comfortable environment. Don't let anything bother you. Relax and feel the density of the earth, which is somewhere below you. Even if it’s far away, it’s there...

Feel how snow-white streams of energy in the form of ropes or cables emanate from your entire body, from its different parts. They descend down: into the earth, into its core, into the center of the planet. In this center there is a metal rod or hook to which you attach and cling your energy, your energy ropes and cords. This connection with the earth, with its center, holds you firmly in this world, grounds you and does not allow you to fly away ahead of time, does not allow you to leave this sacred body-vessel.

You are now anchored. Feel the connection with the earth: its harmony, tranquility, love... Feel like a single whole organism. She is a part of you, and you are a part of her, she fills you with her strength and energy, and you fill her with her. Stay for some time in this state of harmony and balance, love and light, unity and integrity. And whenever you feel disconnected from your body, have forgotten about the reality of your existence, are in the clouds, ground yourself.

Practice "stone"

Lie down or sit in a quiet place where no one will disturb you. Relax all parts of your physical body: arms, legs, head, neck... In order to completely relax, imagine that you are a STONE. Very heavy and large, lying on the ground.

Feel how your whole body begins to turn to stone from head to toe. You can start from the feet and rise higher and higher to stone. Your legs turn into stone, become immobilized, you don’t feel them at all, you don’t feel them, as if they simply aren’t there.

This unusual wave gradually moves through your entire body. And thus you gradually move from one part of the body to another until you are completely turned into stone. Feeling like a stone, you will not be able to move your arm or leg. You won't be able to lift your head or do anything else.

Your body is stone. You don't feel it, you are separated from it. You are hovering above him. Now fill yourself with pure divine Light and Love. Light this Light in yourself or request it from the subtle plane: from God, from the Angels, from the Light Forces. Raise your vibration level with this action. And now you shine and unconditionally love everything around you.

Practice "cloud"

When there are many thoughts in your head, or even just one, and you need to be in complete silence, you want to hear a hint, an answer from your higher mind, the Soul... try to imagine that your thoughts are floating clouds... And you can disperse them all, remove them from horizon. You can blow and they will scatter in different directions, fly far, far away... You can remove them with invisible hands, as you wish. Remove them all. And in this way you will clear your mind. Now ask a question...

You may ask, “What do I need to know today?” And listen... listen... the words of your Soul, your higher mind.. Don’t worry if the first time you don’t manage to get rid of your thoughts for a long time or hear the answer. This requires training. If you apply this practice every day, then you will definitely succeed.

Practice “easy question”

Prepare a question that is not very difficult: one that does not require a global answer, one that cannot be answered with one word “yes” or “no,” one to which you do not know the answer, so that it does not prevent you from hearing the truth.

Sit or lie down in a calm and quiet environment. Clear your mind of all your thoughts using the “Clouds” practice (tell your mind to clear away the clouds of thoughts so that it is busy and does not distract you) or another technique of your choice. Someone can enter a meditative state, but this is not necessary. You must learn to hear the answers in everyday life.

Relax and don’t focus too much on the result, let everything go. It doesn’t matter whether you hear the answer now or not, the main thing is that you strive, it takes time. By your excessive expectation, you block the acceptance of information from your higher aspects. Now you have no one to prove your achievements, you are already beautiful, you exist.

Along with questions about how to free yourself from energy bindings, magicians are often asked how, on the contrary, to strengthen them, and whether it is possible to do this independently and safely. The answer is - it is possible! I will be only glad if the practices that I give you are useful to you. I once received them myself from my teachers, and now I am happy to tell the readers of my blog about them. So, how to establish a strong energetic connection with your loved one? There are many ways to do this, and not necessarily magical ones. The main thing is to know the basic principle of the formation and existence of these connections.
At the moment of acquiring a new relationship or to maintain existing ones, you need to invest your inner warmth and energy into them. Each person has his own “account” in the “bank of emotions” of another person. It is on this principle that all relationships between people are based. You are for me, and I am for you. Any relationship is a mutually beneficial cooperation between two partners. Whether you like it or not, you need to accept this axiom so that you can move forward successfully.
The main tool in creating or strengthening an energetic connection is the subconscious.
Plus, of course, you will need some patience. The material world is inert and slow to change, so it takes time to fulfill your desire. To do this, allocate at least five to ten minutes a day. The best time for this is at night, when you have already gone to bed and closed your eyes. Another favorable time is the morning, when you have just woken up and have not yet had time to open your eyes. In this relaxed state, you are between sleep and wakefulness. At this moment, the gates of the subconscious are most open to influence.
1. Merger. Imagine your lover standing in front of you. Unite with him in complete love, let your imagination merge your bodies and souls into one. Penetrate each other, connect every cell of your bodies, become one whole at the energy level. Imagine that real diffusion of your cells has occurred. You penetrated each other with your whole body, your whole being. Now imagine that rose and lotus petals are falling on you from the sky and surrounding you with a magical, beautiful aroma. Both of you are engulfed in a golden and green glow that gets brighter and brighter. This light becomes so bright that it floods everything around. At the moment of visualization, it is necessary to maintain concentration on the Anahata (heart) chakras, and at the moment of unification on Svadhisthana (the area below the navel), and also evoke a feeling of love, tenderness and interpenetration. This will replenish your emotional “balance” in your partner’s account and will constantly refresh your feelings.
In real life, do not forget to replenish this balance by giving your lover various nice things and gifts, massages and various services, this strengthens the relationship and adds love.
2. Love telepathy. How to convey to your partner the necessary thoughts, feelings and emotions about you and your harmonious union. To do this, take a photo of the person to whom you want to convey your “message”. If you don’t have a photograph, you can draw an object on paper, write its name and date of birth. Try to feel his presence. All people constantly unconsciously receive and emit subtle information in the form of energy impulses-waves. Everyone is on their own wavelength. To tune in to the wave of the person you want to attach to you, you need to focus on him and feel him nearby.
- plunge into a light trance and relax your body muscles;
- look carefully at the photograph (drawing) of this person, 1-3 minutes. Focus on it;
- close your eyes, imagine it very vividly and realistically;
- mentally say the words that you want to convey to him;
- imagine how your thoughts move to the frontal chakra, Ajna (third eye, area of ​​the bridge of the nose) and radiate from there in the form of a golden ray of energy;
- this golden ray reaches this person, penetrates through his third eye into his head and is fixed there with light, bright - yours! - images.
It sounds difficult, but in fact it is all easy, especially if you practice. The time to perform this practice is 5 minutes every day. To make the effect stronger, you can do this 3 times a day.
3. "Night mail". Forming energy connections during sleep is especially effective. Therefore, you can transmit your thoughts and images when he (she) is sleeping. When a person sleeps, during REM sleep, the conscious mind exchanges information with the subconscious. At the same time, programming of the brain occurs (behavior, instincts, metabolism). At this time, the words you put into his mental stream will be very powerful.
4. Solar circle. Helps ignite the flame of love in the heart of the one you like.
This practice can be done anytime and anywhere if you want to win the heart of your loved one. Performed in close contact or at a far distance. Works for both men and women. It is also advisable to perform it at night, when your lover is sleeping.
- close your eyes and imagine both of you in a certain outlined circle, the boundaries of which can be any;
- imagine the shining Sun above you;
- now focus on the feelings of love for this person;
- put all your love and your image into this Sun;
- then order the Sun to fly to this person, penetrate into his very heart and kindle a fiery love for you there;
- hold the Sun and your image in its heart for 3-5 minutes;
- imagine that the boundaries of the circle have moved a little, thus bringing this person closer to you. Then let go of the vision.
Repeat daily for 28 days and soon you will notice that the person has become indifferent to you.
It works very effectively and is not a love spell. The sun leaves no negative effects and

Of course, terminologically there are no “socialization traps”. However, in the process of integration into society, we may encounter various pitfalls along the way that interfere with organic interaction with other people. Let's try to figure out how they ruin our lives as adults and whether it's possible not to get caught in them.

Trap one: safety vs anxiety

It is believed that the most important age from the point of view of socialization is adolescence. However, according to psychologist Alana James, recent research suggests that childhood is key to shaping our social connections.

Babies are especially vulnerable because they are completely dependent on an adult. Crying is the only way for a defenseless newborn to get attention. The baby is ready to receive food and protection from anyone who can provide it. However, already at the age of three months he begins to respond to a specific person, and a seven-month-old baby demonstrates affection for at least one of the parents.

Psychologists say that these first social connections establish a pattern of attachment. Mary Ainsworth, who studies developmental psychology, identifies four patterns of attachment:

Reliable type: If a parent consistently meets the child's needs, holds him in his arms and tries to soothe him when he cries, then the baby feels safe. Already at an early age, he shows independence and autonomy, despite the fact that he is always happy to spend time with loved ones.

In the future, he will retain this feeling of security, formed by the confidence that the parent will come to the rescue, which means he will be self-confident and open towards other people. He is willing to be honest and straightforward in communication because he feels comfortable during communication.

Anxious-avoidant type: if in childhood a child did not receive attention from one of the parents or was completely deprived of parental presence, he begins to ignore loved ones who turned out to be emotionally and often physically unavailable to him. Ignoring someone who does not reciprocate is a natural response. Ainsworth notes that such children are not inclined to show affection, do not like to be held, and constantly try to escape from hugs.

The child demonstratively minimizes communication with the parent who “betrayed” him, showing indifference, although suffering is most often hidden behind the mask of feigned indifference. Growing up, such children often withdraw into themselves, trying to hide their true emotions, especially when it comes to disappointment and despair. It is incredibly difficult for them to establish connections with people, so many prefer distance to trusting relationships.

Anxiety-resistant type: like the previous one, this type also prevents adequate interaction with others. It occurs when the parent is not consistent in his actions, either satisfying the baby’s needs or neglecting them.

The child ceases to feel safe: the world seems to him to be a concentration of fear, because he is ruled by uncertainty. He is wary of people and feels uncomfortable in the absence of an adult.

Growing up, such children become passive and do not want to take part in active games. They often have a reduced interest in research and learning. Lack of security at an early age will lead to the child feeling that he is not worthy of attention and love. Consequently, he will be prone to codependent relationships and/or a constant search for confirmation of his worth.

Disruptive type: This type of attachment can also arise in the presence of the other three. Its important feature is that the parent, no matter how emotionally close he is, demonstrates behavior that is unusual for a loved one - screams or even uses physical force.

In such situations, the child experiences dissonance: the one who should care and protect shows aggression. This often causes psychological trauma. In addition, children with the disorganizing type are prone to dissociation. Their relationships with others are like a pendulum: they either take a step towards, striving for interaction, then again try to distance themselves, fearing that they may be harmed.

According to the study, only 60% of children have a secure attachment type: as they grow up, they not only make contact easier, but also cope with problems more easily. They evaluate their friends and partners from a positive point of view; in their relationships there is more trust, responsibility, compromise, and they are focused on the longevity of connections.

According to scientists, we are deprived of the ability to change the attachment model learned in childhood. But it affects not only what type of relationships we build with friends or lovers: subconsciously perceiving it as true, in the future we are more likely to apply it to our own children.

Trap two: friendship vs loneliness

Children begin to show interest in their peers even in infancy: they observe their activities and evaluate how they react to their cry, which is still the leading method of communication.

Preschool age is a transitional period between individual play and group activities. And, perhaps, the most aggressive time: we seem to test the strength of others, trying to determine the most acceptable means of interaction in order to achieve what we need, be it attention or a toy that we like.

From about the age of five, children begin to join the group. At the same time, they tend to spend more time in the company of same-sex peers: girls usually communicate in pairs or small, “chamber” groups, while boys more often stay in groups in which there is a competitive atmosphere. Psychologists note that at this age girls are at high risk of getting emotional disorders, while boys are at risk of becoming a victim of aggression.

By interacting in a group, children learn to analyze people's emotions and actions. Children who are popular in their group are more successful at this task, while children who are rejected by the group are less successful.

At this age, it is especially important for children to protect the boundaries of the accepted norm: if a child breaks the rules of the group (for example, behaves aggressively), he is expelled from it.

The ability to form friendships in the future will result in self-confidence and higher self-esteem. Friends tend to share their impressions, which means they learn to understand the very essence of their experiences and strive for more complex social interactions than simple everyday situations. In addition, in statistical studies, the presence of a friend is more often associated with harmonious relationships in the family, while the absence of a friend is associated with unemployment and lack of success. However, in this matter one should not diminish the influence of the socio-economic factor.

Trap three: involvement vs alienation

From about 11 years old, children begin to expand their immediate circle of friends: the connections formed at this time will then migrate into adolescence. In addition, groups become heterogeneous: it is in adolescence that we learn to be friends with the opposite sex. At the same time, the first relationships begin, however, most often they are of a superficial nature: the choice of a partner is usually determined by the similarity of social status and pleasant appearance. By the end of adolescence, these characteristics cease to play an important role, giving way to similarity of values ​​and personal qualities.

Also during this period, social roles and trajectories such as popularity, rejection and ignorance are consolidated. Therefore, often people who offended others or, on the contrary, became victims of bullying, carry these behavior patterns into the next stage of life - youth. At the same time, having at least one friend protects a teenager from falling into negative scenarios of “rejection” and “ignoring.”

Since many parents worry about the negative influence of gadgets and the Internet, most children begin to actively use social networks only in adolescence, when they gain O greater independence. Meanwhile, communication in in social networks Today it is a full-fledged competitor to real communication. From the point of view of attachment, interaction on Facebook strengthens the connection with loved ones.

The good thing about this is that those feelings that cannot be expressed directly can easily be expressed in an email. By the way, people with an anxious-stable attachment type spend much more time on social networks than those with an anxious-avoidant attachment type; the latter are, in principle, more taciturn and secretive online.

In youth, of course, relationships with peers come to the fore, through which one learns one’s own identity and receives emotional support no longer from a relative who gives unconditional love, but from “another.” Although it cannot be said that parental affection is losing relevance - it simply becomes less noticeable, however, maintaining its influence on the grown child.

A 2013 study supports the idea that a secure attachment style continues to have beneficial effects on us into adulthood. Thus, such people adapt better in social life: at the age of 26 they have a higher IQ, the ability to control stress and build comfortable relationships is noted.

So, the influence of childhood is undeniable: in fact, it is it that prepares the basis for our worldview in adulthood. Will we be painfully attached to loved ones, afraid of losing them, or, on the contrary, will we avoid contacts? Do we strive for constructive relationships - or do we subconsciously want to hurt others, trying to avenge our own mental pain? I would like to answer that everything depends only on us, but, unfortunately, this is not always the case.